stabbing pain

I woke up today completly depressed and don't know why its been awhile sense this has happend and I don't know why the only way i can explain it is through two songs

Every thing I touch I brake
by stabbing westward

The more I feel
The more I die
Nothing to give
Nothing inside
Everything I touch I break
Everything I touch I break
Everything I touch I break
I scratch and tear
Until it bleeds
I do not want
I only need
I only need
I only need
Everything I touch I break
Everything I touch I break
Everything I touch I break
Everything I touch I break
Everything I touch I break
Everything I touch I break
How can I hold on (dog attack)
Back when you were my life
You gave me something that I could live for
Now everything’s changed
And you’re gone
But I’m still here waiting

I don't belive
by stabing westward

I'm such an asshole
I'm such a stain
I just keep fucking up again and again
You crawled inside my mind when you
crawled into my bed
Said eveything I've ever longed to hear
So perfect, so alive, once inside you
sucked me dry
used me up and left me here for dead
I crave it desparately, a cancer eating me
An addiction to intense to be denied
Worthless, I'm a whore, crawling back for more
Pathetic how i feed off this abuse
You told me that you loved me
I believed you loved me
You swore that you loved me
And I believed, now I know it was a lie
(Chorus)
I don't believe
I don't believe
That I could be so stupid so naive
I don't believe
I don't believe
That there is nothing, nothing
left for me

I don't know why I feel this way all the sudden it really doesnt make sense with me at all I mean I feel happy but I know I'm depressed I can feel it. All I want to do right now is sit down get my bottle of vodka and drink and talk with someone that sounds so good right now and I don't know why

All I feel right now is a great darkness wieghing down on me
a feeling of pain long forgoten of remorse and sadness
an awakening of dispear
bitterness driving me insain
lonely growing cold nothing behind the mirror
a soul striped of all even what it is
noone knows what it truely means to feel cold
where's the heat of pleaseure
the hight of sensation
the tension of skin careasing the utmost fantasy of warmth
I must find my self again