nothing going on anymore

so right now completly unemotion go figure like anything's really changed for me to be me i'm just going to need to set back and let things happen however the people around me want them to happen but while that is happening i'm going to get another job going to get more pay going to get more hours going to do what i need to. to do what it is i need to do take care of me more money = happier life in the long run won't be easy at first but hey what ever happens happens and if the people around me can't tell i'm doing this for them then tough shit in support it or get out of the way but it would be nice to be supported instead of questioned all the time that would be a change although questioning doesnt bother me its when its over almost everything i do and after wards ends up you lied to me i just don't give a fuck anymore is anything really worth two peoples pain so deep it's not really funny go figure

so i'm sick of seeing all the shit happen and hit the fan 24/7 its annoying as hell especaily whens its about me voicing my opionion or the other person voicing there's i'm so sick and tired right now i'm sick becuase i'm depressed and have nothing to call my own or is it call ours what ever her's mine not really ours we can't even have a checking account together becuase it's more convienient that way what the fuck shakes head no more bitching just makes me feel not trusted so how can i trust someone i don't feel trusts me simple i can't not with those things anyway so i'll take care of my shit she can take care of her's because apparently that's the way she wants it got to go find the bill's now like i have a clue where there at

time to go to bed and sleep away the day if not get my job one or the other probaly the job and if i get hired today i can put in my two weeks and get the fuck out of the shit hole i'm in now i've gained at least 10lbs while sitting on my ass at this fucking place

stabbing pain

I woke up today completly depressed and don't know why its been awhile sense this has happend and I don't know why the only way i can explain it is through two songs

Every thing I touch I brake
by stabbing westward

The more I feel
The more I die
Nothing to give
Nothing inside
Everything I touch I break
Everything I touch I break
Everything I touch I break
I scratch and tear
Until it bleeds
I do not want
I only need
I only need
I only need
Everything I touch I break
Everything I touch I break
Everything I touch I break
Everything I touch I break
Everything I touch I break
Everything I touch I break
How can I hold on (dog attack)
Back when you were my life
You gave me something that I could live for
Now everything’s changed
And you’re gone
But I’m still here waiting

I don't belive
by stabing westward

I'm such an asshole
I'm such a stain
I just keep fucking up again and again
You crawled inside my mind when you
crawled into my bed
Said eveything I've ever longed to hear
So perfect, so alive, once inside you
sucked me dry
used me up and left me here for dead
I crave it desparately, a cancer eating me
An addiction to intense to be denied
Worthless, I'm a whore, crawling back for more
Pathetic how i feed off this abuse
You told me that you loved me
I believed you loved me
You swore that you loved me
And I believed, now I know it was a lie
(Chorus)
I don't believe
I don't believe
That I could be so stupid so naive
I don't believe
I don't believe
That there is nothing, nothing
left for me

I don't know why I feel this way all the sudden it really doesnt make sense with me at all I mean I feel happy but I know I'm depressed I can feel it. All I want to do right now is sit down get my bottle of vodka and drink and talk with someone that sounds so good right now and I don't know why

All I feel right now is a great darkness wieghing down on me
a feeling of pain long forgoten of remorse and sadness
an awakening of dispear
bitterness driving me insain
lonely growing cold nothing behind the mirror
a soul striped of all even what it is
noone knows what it truely means to feel cold
where's the heat of pleaseure
the hight of sensation
the tension of skin careasing the utmost fantasy of warmth
I must find my self again