what about me

i dont understand why but i hate david i hate him with a passion
but yet i must i feel take care of him
i myself his other half
must take care of him thus taking care of myself
to hate him
i guess what i am saying is i hate my self
he's everything i have ever despised
yet i have to take care of him
no one else is allowed to hurt him but me no one alowed to kill him but me
thus killing my self
the ultimate form of suicide go figure
now maybe i can get past it and start rebuilding my self slowly but surely
that would be nice
really nice
i have decided
i except my fate as it is
and i'm ok with it
and i'm happy
so fuck the dumb shit
lets take care of me now
fuck everyone else
and i do mean everyone

Darkstar

bitching again

life with no luck
seems to be all there really is anymore
everyone wants something but
really no one is really doing anything to get it
and the ones that are doing it or at least trying to
dont get the reward
and then there are the select few who always
no matter what they do in there life will never
lose no matter how much trouble they get in
with all that said is there really a point to anything.
do i mean to say that in some odd way
there are people who no matter what will always succeed
people who will always fail
and people who with only just make ends meet
i'll forever be one of the people who just make ends meet
and why is that
whats so different between myself
and the ones that will always succeed
other then the obvious success they have had that i have not
is it back round

touch

Feelings felt that
shouldnt be
your eye's and the
feel of your skin still
attacht to me
never known before now.
oh how sweet you look
your body the color of
milk the tast of
fruit on your skin
the chance to be
the chance for me
let me see what
ive missed.
lips touched an embrace felt
never so sweet
this just cant be
a heart thats never
beat. flow so openly
finaly a chance to
see all the things ive
missed let this be
the wall comes down
a brick at a time
slowly and softly
touched the fear
builds the feelings
surpressed being blocked
please let me see
what ive missed
my hand in yours
our bodies embrace
your first my last
things felt that cant be
never felt this passionate
about anyone
before now
my corruption taking place
please let me see what ive
missed your love building
fast a place in a heart
thats never lasted over a beat
so many things ive feared to say
ask me the right questions so that i may

-Darkstar

Feel your pain
True and alive
Keep it inside of you
Let it out
Feel it wrap around your body
Feel it uncoil
Take enjoyment in it
Feel with it
Commune with it
Hold it inside your body
Take the pain you hold inside of yourself
Let it out
Breath in deep
darkness swells around us
Feel the cold
wrap it around you like a blanket
Feel the wall it puts up
See it for what it is
A great wall of nothingness for that is what you are becoming
Nothingness as a hole
Nothingness as a being
You shall feel nothing
And rejoice only in the pain of others
This is the place I come from
Were pain is great and love is just another way to bleed
-Dark Star

known

My pain to be herd by all
The extension of life to be clear
My life to be read
My feelings never to be seen
The emptiness of it all left to me
Never knowing what I am
How can I be if no one knows me?
Why am I me, when there is no me to be known
If all that I am wastes away what am I?
Nothing, nothing can be seen
Nothing can be herd
Nothing can be done
Leave well enough alone
to get all the same results
Try to change only to make things worse
Who am I, but that which has made me

-Darkstar

My sins coming to haunt me.
I feel the darkness dwelling inside.
Trying to get out again.
I want to be my self again.
I used to be Cruel, vindictive, cold, and calculating.
the ability to look someone in the eye’s as they die.
and smile with pleasure.
that it was me that took there being away from this misery known as life.
I miss the killer I was.
I miss the pain I caused.
I miss the spark that was inside me.
and now it wants out again that darkest part of my soul.
I feel it curl inside of me like a great beast trying to claw out of my
skin.
I see it more and more every day.
the way I think about people, old thoughts coming to mind.
how easy it could be to drink from them.
how easy it is to gather them like a herd of cattle ready for the slaughter.
maybe I should be myself again.
allowing the cold to over come my inside’s.
I feel it even now.
I can’t get warm unless I’m being held by someone who I have some sort of love for, Or I care for.
I don’t want to go dark again but I miss it.
like they say.
“that which was, is, and always will be.
the same no matter how much they change the outside.”

-Darkstar

untittled

Look into your burning soul, deep within your self.
Finding the still quiet of it all.
The calm before the storm.
The waters change from blue to black.
The blue of the sky turning gray with the darkening storm.
The crashing of the waves.
The thunder making the earth shake.
The darkest part of your self being unleashed.
Let it all go, all that you hold dear.
Find your place amongst my darkness.
Light finding no shelter.
Darkness envelops the land like a shroud.
Who are you?
-Dark star

LOST BUT SEEN
NOT MENT TO BE
COMING FORTH HAUNTING ME
SEE ME FOR WHAT I AM
LOSSING MY SELF IN YOUR EYE’S
HIDDING YOUR SELF FROM ME
KEEPING EVERYTHING CLOSE IN MIND
FINDING WHY IT IS THE WAY IT MUST BE
PLEASE JUST LET ME FREE
LETTING GO WHATS NEVER BEEN KNOWN
WITH OUT INSULT TO INJURY
I MUST BE ME
LETTING YOU COMPLETELY IN

HIDDING IN THE SHADOW OF YOUR SOUL A PART UNKNOWN LET IT OUT SAY WHAT YOU WANT YOU CANT HURT WHATS NOT THERE OPEN THE BOX LET ME SEE IN


FALLING AWAY
LOST IN NOTHINGNESS
FINDING MY SELF IN THE ARMS OF MY LOVE
CLOSED DOWN TO ME FOR THE TIME
I CANT SEE WHATS NOT THERE
PICTURES INSTEAD
OF WHAT COULD
IS ALL THAT’S HERE


DARK RIPE NEW SENT FILLING THE AIR YOUR MOUTH ON MINE
YOUR EYE’S CLOSE MY HEART STOPS
WE EMBRACE ME FEELING EVERY PART OF YOU BODY MIND AND SOUL
LETTING YOU IN
MY HEART NO LONGER CLOSED
PULLING BACK AFRIAD OF THE UNKNOWN
CLOSED AND SEALED
YOU INSIDE NEVER TO ESCAPE


LOOKING THROUGH THE DEPTHS OF THE OCEAN
I SEE THE SUN
BEING HELD UNDER
NO AIR
A GREAT WEIGHT ON MY BODY
PUSHING ME DOWN

-Darkstar

pleasure

Embraced my arms around your body
My lips pressed against your neck
A flick of my tongue against the warmth of your body
A gasp
A wince
Your eye’s close
My teeth barred down
Your body tightens around mine
I pull back to see your eye’s
And I’m met by two silver moons
That pierce through me
Melting every part of my soul
Feeling temptation
I touch the sides of your shirt
To help you strip off your cloths
one layer at a time
Feeling skin on skin I shudder
A new warmth envelops my body one never felt before

-Darkstar

untitled

I wonder if this is what love is suppose to feel like
Can’t wait to touch your skin and talk to you as I
Look in your eye’s and see something so beautiful
That I’ll need to sit down out of fear of falling in to
Your gaze with out ever being able to get back up
I’ve missed holding you in my arms
Late at night
Laughing so close together
Touching your lips
Feeling your hole being holding me together
Smiling at the thought of our lips touching
Looking into your eye’s
Touching my soul
Falling in to complete and total ecstasy
Knowing only your touch your skin your voice
Calling me from so far away
Yet so close am I
That I smell you everywhere on me
Yet no where to be seen

-Darkstar

inspiration

so i'm just sitting here bored out of my fucking mind k. i can swear now i'm happy i thought you couldnt untill my wife explained it to me see what did i tell you she's such a genius.
but anyways i was sitting here and couldnt sleep. so i got on started playing some games started to listen to korn and the next thing i know my mind is racing and i started getting all these ideas about what i want out of life how i want to use my time and realized my biggest inspiration in my life has been korn. since i was young korn since they have come out has actualy stoped me from commiting suicide on more then one occasion with there music its taken me out of my depressed angered states made me feel something else for just a split second a second that actualy makes me wake up and actualy relize what the hell i'm about to do. from the lryical content to the way the music just flows from there finger tips the beuty which is korn moves me so much and people just dont hear it nor can they feel it well i guess i shouldnt lump everyone together i'm pretty shure there's a few others out there. if i had to actualy compare my self with any song ever made thats best described me it would be the song trash. every word in there was me from the time i was 14-18 four years and thats who i was i dont know maybe i'm just being stupid but i just want to say THANK YOU JONETHAN DAVIS with out you and the beuty you truly inspire i would be dead today as stupid as that might sound its true you have truely changed my life in more ways then one and helped me find out who i was as a person.

bored again

so i work grave yard's at a call center doing what even half the time i dont know. its 1:22 am mt time and no calls are comming in and we have some pretty cool bosses here so we get to surf and play games all night after midnight yea thats right i get paid 8.25 an hour to go play games and awnser a phone once every hour after midnight smiles.

my only prob is the people who you get these calls from holy crap you know i thought i was slow to be nice but damn i always thought it was a joke that there where really really stupid people out there. sorry not stupid "techniqly challanged" is what we are suposed to call them here.
shakes head. how hard is it to put a cd in and click install.
or type the letters cmd or to remember to press enter when it says boot from cd after you've told someone ten times that its really important to do so.
and then they let the screan go by and say oh i didnt know sometimes.
i just want to reach over the phone slap them or say ok mame or sir what ever the case may be. go into windows go to run type in regedit in the run line.
ya now that you'r here all you have to do to solve all your problems is erase everything here and put the number zero and then save it and that'll fix everything click.
oooo i swear i ever get fired here!!! damn skippy!!!
thats all i'm going to say but other then that its deal able not that i would ever kill anyones pc like that.. looks around... ya thats right..
i'm just saying next time you have to call tech support be nice to them they deal with stupid people all day long just listen dont do anything that they dont tell you to and we'll all get along fine..

Look ma I'm a genius

So yea I just got through taking a online IQ test I'm gifted my test score was 121 smiles
I'm so good so yeah my wife took it before me she got 136. Sniff sniff. So now its a proven when she says she knows what she's talking about its true and she'll never let me live it down.
crys uncontrollably..

so like I'm one of those type's of people who love to take tests so the best test I took was what level of hell do you belong to smiles I belong to every single last one but the gluttony one.
smiles. Try it out you'll love it...

so yea other then that not much to say other then yea xmas is coming up my fav holiday of the year.. I think I'm going to yank now... Shakes head. That's what I get for being raised a jahovahs wittiness I guess hate all the holidays realize that I actual have a brain and can make my own decisions for my self and then hate the most favored holiday of the year something I guess really never do change...

well check ya latter

opionion i think not

so i was watching the news today and i found out at the Pantera concert this guy goes all nuts he shoots the lead guitarist of the band... dude if you didnt like the music all you had to do was not go thats it just dont go..
shakes head... honestly i'm so sick of these people who just cant let things go so they go out and they have to kill someone..

prime example Columbine Massacre there where six people there, no i refuse to use the word kids.
anyone that can pick up a gun and decide to use it on someone is no longer a kid they just entered the big leagues.
and on the reporting on it the reasons why they did it was becuase they where being bullied and no one would be nice to them so they go kill a few people then themselves yea that really solves the issue..
you know i dont know anyone that something hasn't happend to them in school. wheather people are nice or not and yes i'm really holding back on a few choice phrases i really want to use here.
doesnt mean you go out and kill someone.
there's other reason's really good ones to go do something stupid like that and no i do not condone any such action for any such reason unless survivel is comming into play here.. but other then that no..

back on the hole pantera thing honestly you dont like someone or something doesnt mean you go kill it
all though it seems to be the american way look at history prime example if i can use a qoute from Eddie Izzard "hittler killed his own people and we where sorta all fine with that. oh kill your own people go ahead we've been trying to kill you for ages. then hittler started killing people next door.. ohhh stupid man... after a few years we're not going to stand for that now are we boys.."
look at whats happend or i guess i should say is happening to the native american indian tribes or should i say tribe really. to use a qoute from from Chris Rock "when was the last time you saw native american family chillin at a red lobster you aint never seen a native american family chillin at a red lobster cause there all dead
i went to the massies thanksgiving day perade and there where two real indians and the rest where all a bunch of puertoricans that aint pocahontas thats Jenifer Lopez aint no one have it harder then the american indian."

ok some of that was add libed from memorie and yes i know i can't spell and my grammer sucks i so need a grammer spell checker oh yea baby then i'd make bank. lol... but like the title says opionion i think not
its all the truth at least my truth.. if people could just stop and think for ten seconds everytime before they did any type of action like breath not all people just most we wouldnt have as much bs as we do to day. could just be opionion but i think not i think its the truth and thats just the way it is and dont get me wrong i'm no saint and i'm not the smartest person in the group but people just need to grow up and learn from kidnergarten cause this is what this all stems from someone wasnt paying attention becuse they where eating the past yea you know your one of'em. "but hey its ok they have groups for that now.." and wasnt paying attention to todays lesson keep hands feet and other objects to your self oh and the golden rule that should be instillied in a child from birth do unto others as you would have then do unto you.. but hey what do i know i'm just a high school drop out with a g.e.d with a mediocure job..shrugs... but you never know i could be right on this one

waking up

slow nothing but silence
a quite dark not found except for those who dream of creation
the light flickers on quick
my eyes shut my body feeding off of the warmth given by the light
bright reds and pinks the only thing i see
blinding a searing pain everytime shadows fall across my face
the pain eases finaly a breath drawn deep within
nothing to feel but the peace with in.

A little tinged

so i started writting k and it started to sound just like I wanted it well I didnt save as a draft right clicked the wrong thing bam its all gone funny how things end up like that one second there there the next there not story of almost eveyone i know's life mine included i think everyone has lost something insome way some more then other's me personaly i havent lost i dont try and think of it that way anyway i like to think what was is and shall never be again all in that order at least seems to be with me i'm going to start filling this thing with storys and peoms as many as i can anyways some nights there will be more then other's of coarse and other times there'll be nothing at all i guess thats just the way it goes i've never really used one of these so yea i'm along time reader first time wrighter i guess you could say no pun intended maybe some of you will like what i'll write some of you might even agree with it other's might even hate me for it but one thing is for shure the ones that actualy do read it i dont think will ever forget it hope you like and if you dont say something i love critisim its the best part of being me i just cant seem to get enough of it yea